Noblesse Dusabe
L’hymen – ou la couronne vaginale, comme certains pensent que nous devrions maintenant l’appeler – est au centre de l’attention et de l’anxiété depuis des siècles. Comment mettre fin aux mythes qui l’entourent ?
“Suis-je vierge ?”, demande l’inconnu à travers l’internet, sans détour, dans la boîte de réception de Sarras Sarras. Sarras n’était pas sûre de savoir comment répondre. C’était la première fois qu’on lui envoyait ce qu’elle décrit comme un “vagin selfie”.
À l’époque, Sarras était administratrice de la page Facebook Love Matters Arabic, qui dispense une éducation sexuelle et relationnelle en arabe sur les réseaux sociaux. “Elle m’a dit qu’elle avait eu une relation et que maintenant elle allait se fiancer et qu’elle voulait s’assurer qu’elle était vierge”, explique Sarras. Puis elle fait une pause, et grimace. “Je déteste ce mot : maftuuha – elle a demandé si elle était ça, elle a demandé si elle était ‘ouverte'”.
Ce que la personne demandait vraiment, c’était si Sarras pouvait voir son hymen – et lui dire s’il était “intact” – en raison de la pression exercée dans sa communauté pour être vierge au moment du mariage, et pour que son mari le voit, visiblement, sous forme de sang.
Cette croyance que l’hymen fournit une “preuve” physique de l’histoire sexuelle est la prémisse des tests de virginité, une pratique condamnée par l’Organisation mondiale de la santé en 2018 comme une violation des droits de l’Homme. Ces tests peuvent prendre différentes formes, depuis les examens physiques de mesure de l’hymen ou de laxité vaginale jusqu’aux rituels de la nuit de noces où l’on s’attend à voir apparaître un drap de lit ensanglanté, voire à le montrer aux familles des mariés.
Bien que cela n’ait aucune base scientifique – et bien que la virginité soit une construction sociale sans réalité biologique – des millions de personnes dans le monde continuent de croire que l’histoire sexuelle d’une femme est en quelque sorte inscrite dans son anatomie, et que toutes les femmes cisgenres saignent la première fois qu’elles ont des rapports sexuels.
Bien entendu, ni l’une ni l’autre de ces croyances ne sont vraies, mais on les retrouve dans les langues, les religions et les communautés du monde entier.
Dans mon livre Losing It, j’ai essayé de dresser une sorte de cartographie du mythe de l’hymen, en répertoriant les questions que des personnes comme Sarras se posent à ce sujet, en indiquant où et par qui ces croyances sont soutenues, et en cherchant à savoir si c’est le manque de recherche scientifique qui est à l’origine de son pouvoir persistant.
J’ai trouvé de nombreuses recherches scientifiques qui dissipent le mythe. Mais j’ai aussi découvert un monde où certains médecins approuvent l’idée, où de nombreux organes législatifs la soutiennent et où, dans le monde entier, les informations précises sur l’hymen sont souvent totalement ignorées dans l’éducation sexuelle.
Les hymens peuvent varier considérablement
L’hymen est un petit tissu membraneux que l’on peut trouver près de l’ouverture du vagin. Il est vraiment incroyable qu’un minuscule morceau de tissu apparemment sans but se soit vu attribuer tant de fonctions inexactes.
L’existence de l’hymen fait l’objet d’un débat au sein de la communauté scientifique. S’agit-il d’un vestige de l’époque où nos mammifères préhistoriques sont sortis de l’eau et ont gagné la terre ferme ? Est-il là pour empêcher les bactéries fécales de se glisser dans le vagin pendant la petite enfance ? Personne ne le sait vraiment.
Le tissu semble avoir une fonction plus importante chez d’autres espèces – les hymens des cobayes se dissolvent lorsqu’ils sont en chaleur et repoussent lorsqu’ils ont terminé, par exemple. Mais les nôtres ne font pas d’escapades aussi fantaisistes.
Beaucoup de gens croient à tort que l’hymen recouvre le vagin, sans se rendre compte que cela signifierait qu’une femme ne pourrait pas avoir ses règles (une minorité de personnes souffrent de cette condition et peuvent subir une hyménectomie pour aider à ouvrir le canal).
Au lieu de cela, la plupart des hymens ont une forme annulaire ou en croissant de lune, et peuvent prendre de nombreuses formes dont la finesse et l’épaisseur varient. Peu d’entre nous auraient été informées qu’il peut changer avec l’âge, que certaines d’entre nous ne sont pas nées avec un hymen, ou qu’il peut de toute façon disparaître totalement au moment où nous atteignons la maturité sexuelle. Ou qu’une grande variété d’activités peut l’étirer ou le déchirer, de l’exercice à la masturbation, en passant par les rapports sexuels avec pénétration.
Mais cela ne signifie pas pour autant que l’idée selon laquelle on peut vérifier l’activité sexuelle par un examen de l’hymen est valable.
Une petite étude portant sur 36 adolescentes enceintes, publiée en 2004, a par exemple révélé que le personnel médical n’a pu faire des “constatations définitives de pénétration” que dans deux cas. Une autre étude de 2004 a révélé que 52 % des adolescentes sexuellement actives interrogées ne présentaient “aucune modification identifiable du tissu hyménal”. L’idée binaire selon laquelle soit nous sommes sexuellement actisve et n’avons pas d’hymen visible, soit nous ne sommes pas sexuellement actives et en avons un, n’est tout simplement pas exacte.
“Du sang sur les draps”
Le sang sur le drap, un type de test de virginité utilisé dans le monde entier, est également basé sur des faussetés.
Certains hymens peuvent saigner lors du premier étirement si l’acte est brusque ou si vous n’êtes pas détendue, mais tout sang est en fait bien plus susceptible de provenir de lacérations de la paroi vaginale dues à des rapports sexuels forcés ou à un manque de lubrification.
Un saignement lors d’un premier rapport sexuel peut se produire ou non, tout comme un saignement lors de n’importe quel rapport sexuel peut se produire ou non.
Les raisons d’un saignement pendant un rapport sexuel sont l’anxiété, une excitation insuffisante ou l’aggravation d’une infection, par exemple. Lorsqu’une obstétricienne a interrogé 41 de ses collègues, leur demandant s’ils avaient saigné lors de leur premier rapport sexuel, 63 % d’entre eux ont répondu par la négative.
Mais dans les pays qui continuent à accorder une grande valeur à la virginité et à policer la sexualité féminine, il y a peu de place pour cette nuance biologique.
Une étude menée en 2011 à l’université de Dicle, en Turquie, a révélé que 72,1 % des étudiantes et 74,2 % des étudiants croyaient que l’hymen symbolisait la virginité ; 30,1 % des hommes ont affirmé que “le drap taché de sang” devait être montré à la famille le jour du mariage.
Cela peut avoir un impact profond sur la capacité des femmes à accéder à une santé sexuelle positive, les empêchant d’explorer leur identité sexuelle et provoquant de l’anxiété autour du sexe.
Une étude sociale menée à Gizeh, en Égypte, a révélé que la plupart des femmes interrogées ressentaient de l’anxiété et de la peur avant leur nuit de noces, et de la douleur et de la panique pendant et après, en raison des idées qui entourent la virginité et l’hymen. Dans une enquête libanaise de 2013 auprès d’étudiants universitaires, près de 43 % des femmes interrogées ont déclaré qu’elles n’auraient pas de relations sexuelles avant le mariage par peur de ne pas saigner la nuit de noces. Une autre étude libanaise, de 2017 celle-là, a révélé que sur 416 femmes interrogées, environ 40 % d’entre elles ont déclaré avoir des relations sexuelles anales ou orales pour protéger leur hymen en vue du mariage.
Au cours de mes recherches, j’ai trouvé d’innombrables messages en ligne de femmes terrifiées par le fait que la masturbation leur avait fait perdre leur hymen, ou qui avaient manifestement tellement peur de se toucher qu’elles ne le faisaient tout simplement jamais.
Les mensonges médicaux
Le mythe de l’hymen n’affecte pas seulement le bien-être sexuel des femmes, voire leur égalité, il peut aussi entraver leur accès à la justice. Le Pakistan n’a que récemment interdit les tests de virginité pour les survivantes de viol dans les affaires judiciaires ; plusieurs pays, notamment en Asie, au Moyen-Orient et en Afrique du Nord et du Sud, les pratiquent encore.
Et de nombreux médecins dans le monde proposent la réparation de l’hymen, une opération très rentable, aux femmes qui ont eu des relations sexuelles avant le mariage et qui craignent les conséquences si elles sont découvertes.
Alors que j’écrivais mon livre – un an avant que les hommes politiques ne décident d’interdire la procédure au Royaume-Uni, en janvier 2022 – j’ai envoyé un courriel à un chirurgien londonien au sujet des tests de virginité. Son assistant m’a dit que je pourrais obtenir un rapport médical confirmant que j’avais un hymen intact après une consultation de 300 £, si j’en avais un. Dans le cas contraire, une opération de réparation de l’hymen d’un montant de 5 400 £ m’attendait – après quoi je recevrais le même rapport médical.
Alors que la loi qui interdira la réparation de l’hymen au Royaume-Uni fait son chemin au Parlement, il est clair que certains chirurgiens tiennent bon jusqu’au bout et continuent à proposer leurs services sur le sol britannique. En ligne, un chirurgien londonien continue d’affirmer que la réparation de l’hymen peut être “bénéfique pour les femmes qui ont subi des lésions vaginales à la suite de rapports sexuels ou d’activités physiques intenses”. (Bien sûr, si l’hymen n’a aucune fonction biologique, quel est l’intérêt d’une chirurgie invasive dans cette zone).
Les faussetés fleurissent également sur les sites web des cliniques du monde entier. “L’hyménoplastie est pratiquée pour rendre à une patiente sa virginité”, affirme un chirurgien libanais. “L’hyménoplastie est la restauration de l’hymen à son état initial de ‘virginité'”, affirme un autre à New York.
Comment mettre fin au mythe de l’hymen ?
Attirer l’attention sur certaines de ces recherches serait un bon début, tout comme modifier les pratiques juridiques qui cautionnent les tests de virginité et empêcher les professionnels de la santé de tromper les gens.
Le problème est que nombre de ces idées ne sont pas seulement inculquées au fil des générations, elles sont soutenues par des idées qui n’ont pas nécessairement besoin de ce que dit la science ou qui ne la reconnaissent pas. Si vous croyez en l’idée culturelle de la virginité et que vous soutenez l’inégalité entre les sexes qui la sous-tend, il faudrait un changement sociétal sismique pour vous faire penser autrement.
Certains pensent qu’une façon de mettre fin au mythe une fois pour toutes est de changer complètement le nom de l’hymen. Étant donné que de nombreuses langues le nomment littéralement “membrane de virginité” – y compris l’arabe et le tchèque – cela semble être une bonne idée.
En effet, des recherches ont montré que le fait de renommer l’hymen pouvait effectivement contribuer à changer les perceptions. En 2009, l’Association suédoise pour l’éducation sexuelle a décidé de transformer son mot “membrane de virginité”, mödomshinna, en “couronne vaginale”, slidkrans. Ils ont commencé à l’utiliser partout : dans les brochures des services de santé sexuelle, dans les journaux, dans l’organisme officiel de planification linguistique de la Suède et dans toutes les communications futures de l’association.
Près de dix ans plus tard, la chercheuse Karin Milles a appris que 86 % des professionnels de la santé interrogés avaient utilisé le mot “couronne vaginale” dans leurs cliniques et leurs visites de classe. Et si seulement 22 % des jeunes en avaient entendu parler, ils étaient moins nombreux à montrer des signes d’une vision de l’hymen traditionnellement patriarcale. Beaucoup de ceux qui n’utilisaient pas nécessairement le nouveau mot reprenaient la phraséologie sexuellement positive des brochures de l’association. Parmi les rares personnes qui connaissaient le nouveau mot, une majorité décrivait le mödomshinna comme “un mythe”. D’autres ont simplement déclaré qu'”il n’existe pas”. Et beaucoup ont souligné que l’idée était ancienne ou qu’ils y avaient déjà cru, dans leur enfance ou avant que quelqu’un leur dise que c’était un mensonge.
Un changement de langage ne se fait pas du jour au lendemain, mais c’est un début.
De nombreux éducateurs sexuels du monde anglophone sont également d’avis que nous devrions adopter le terme “vaginal corona”. Notre propre mot vient du dieu grec ancien, Hymen – qui, de manière révélatrice, était le dieu du mariage – et les mythes autour de la membrane ont terni de manière indélébile notre propre mot. Mais là où les Suédois ont réussi, c’est qu’ils ne se sont pas contentés de changer le mot, ils ont aussi expliqué pourquoi ils l’ont changé, aux jeunes et aux professionnels de la santé.
Alors que les gouvernements du monde entier semblent s’intéresser de plus en plus à l’interdiction de pratiques telles que les tests de virginité et la réparation de l’hymen, ils seraient bien avisés d’envisager que les raisons de ces interdictions se retrouvent dans les salles de classe et les amphithéâtres. De cette façon, nous pourrions ne plus jamais laisser apparaître ces mythes dangereux.
Cet article est adapté du livre Losing It : Sex Education for the 21st Century (“L’éducation sexuelle au XXIe siècle “).
Source: l’auteure et journaliste Sophia Smith Galer peut être trouvée à @sophiasgaler sur Twitter.
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